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Utopia Talk / Politics / 55 Gallons of lube
Aeros
Member
Sat Dec 29 01:16:07
The product reviews are golden. Fred would approve.

http://www...er-based+lubricant+-+55+gallon
roland
Member
Sat Dec 29 01:29:13
Oooo....kkkk. Why are you looking for this?
OsamaIsDaWorstPresid
Member
Sat Dec 29 01:33:24
prolie has sumthin 2 do wit his brokin ashole

mebe he neds 2 lube it up evarie tiem he neds 2 taek a shit
Sam Adams
Member
Sat Dec 29 01:38:49
"Why are you looking for this?"

obamas inauguration?
Hot Rod
Revved Up
Sat Dec 29 05:23:17

A better question is, why wouldn't Aeros look for that?

FUCK YOU FAG
Member
Sat Dec 29 06:06:30
TC commented, too:


By Choppedlow - See all my reviews
This review is from: Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant - 55 Gallon (Health and Beauty)
I must have a smaller penis than the rest of you because the hole is too big for me to get any satisfaction. Might I suggest that they cut a smaller hole in the side? It would also help with trying to get into position. Besides that, it works well as a door stop.
Fred Felcher
Member
Sat Dec 29 07:28:01
http://www...0982713223/ref=cm_cr_pr_sims_t
Im better then you
Member
Sat Dec 29 08:46:02
Only 3 left in stock?!?!
Aeros
Member
Sat Dec 29 10:54:08
lol

As a prison warden I have a very difficult job, a job that consists of being constantly hated, but I do try my best to make prison life more bearable for inmates, such as the weak ones who committed smaller crimes like drug use and DUI's, so you can Imagine my relief when I found this product. Prison life has never been more enjoyable! The smaller inmates are always cheerful and this product in no time pays for itself.
Billah
Member
Sat Dec 29 11:10:54
lol wow
Jesse Malcolm Barack
Member
Tue Jan 01 20:50:22
who the fuzz would spend $1,263.80 on lube
Aeros
Member
Tue Jan 01 20:51:20
A Prison Warden apparently :P
river of blood
Member
Tue Jan 01 20:56:12
Man, that's a lot of lil Davey rapin'.
river of blood
Member
Tue Jan 01 20:58:49
Hot Rod is the reason there's only three drums left.
Cloud Strife
Member
Tue Jan 01 20:59:33
People who buy lube in bulk.
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Tue Jan 01 21:03:21
I don't see an exp date. That can last a good 20 years.
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Tue Jan 01 21:27:14
I literally wet myself when I read this review.


OMG THIS LUBE RUINED MY LIFE!!!!!!!!, March 12, 2012
By Sam I Am (Behind you)

BE WARNED, this seller WILL NOT accept return of opened and partially used barrels, no matter how dire the situation.

I totally did not intend to buy the lube. It was Fruedian slip meets "Buy Now" button. It's a long story, but my therapist had suggested that instead of acting upon my uncontrollable urge to masturbate in front of farm animals, I should instead desensitive myself to the items from which such urges arise in a controlled environment. Yeah, I know, I didn't think it would work either, but what did I have to lose except another indecent exposure arrest.

So, there I was, trolling Amazon, my "safe, controlled" environment. I don't quite remember what happened. One minute I was looking at horse masks and feed bags and the next I was standing in Juan Alvarez' cow pasture with my pants around my ankles (again!). I must have blacked out or something. I finished what I was working on, then got the funk out of there. I thought I was in the clear.

But ...

Then 7-10 days later I roll out of bed around 2:00 p.m. to find this behemoth on the front porch. WTF? I pull the packing label off the barrel and find it rightfully addressed to me. Trying to find a logical explanation, I run through my Amazon account and there, in between my Yodeling Pickle (best purchase EVER!) and Porker's Monthly, was a charge for $2,039.99 for a 55-gallon barrel of lube.

I had to move the thing, my kids' case worker was due for a home visit (I needed to show that I could now provide a safe and stable (stable LOL!) home environment), and my mom was going to be home from work in a few hours. The thing was, I couldn't move the barrel! I tried to tip it over on its side, but no dice. So, I got a bucket and started pumping the lube out of the barrel to lighten the load. (For future reference, a little bit of lube will not clog a tub drain, but a whole lot will.) This was seriously taking forever. I started bailing bucket-fulls into the front yard. FINALLY, I could tip the dang thing over. I made it halfway down the front steps when I slipped in a freaking oil slick of lube. I went ass over ankles and landed on my back at the bottom of steps and the barrel landed on top of me, pinning me to the sidewalk. Some of the neighborhood kids, who were walking home from school, gathered around and tried to roll the barrel off of me. OF COURSE, who should pull up THEN but the case worker. GREAT! She already had it in for me, having found my Porker's Monthly on the last visit, and then this time finding, what she wrote up in her "report" to be me trying to "hide" my "sexual paraphenalia" using "unconsenting minors." Sure, when you write it like that, it's going to look bad.

So once the police finally leave, and the rest of the hubbub dies down, I contacted Amazon about returning the lube. BUT THEY WON'T TAKE IT BACK. I'm one seriously unhappy customer.
Cloud Strife
Member
Tue Jan 01 23:19:20
Gold.
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Sun Jan 06 22:52:53
indeed
obaminated
Member
Mon Jan 07 00:25:56
That was great .
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Tue Jan 15 22:48:47
ttt
This thread won't die.
superdude
Member
Wed Jan 16 12:19:48
I think Obama is gonna all 55 gallons cause he's gonna ram a hell alot of this anti-gun crap up the ass of the American people.
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Thu Feb 14 11:08:19
What like background checks?

Anyway I'm gonna get some for Valentines day.
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Thu Feb 14 11:14:17
I was a shy girl in high school. Unlike my best friend, I didn't lose my V-card until I was 17. With the culture of 16 and Pregnant, I felt that I had missed out on the American dream--pregnancy scares, Vodka binges, and not remembering most of my formative years. It was obvious that I have almost a decade of drinking and sex to make up for.
When I saved up enough money for college, I decided sexual education had to come first. I ordered the lube about a year ago, and waited with baited breathe for it to be delivered.
When the lube arrived my school was not too happy. I told them I bought it for my squeaky doors. I am not sure if they believed that I would be using 50 some odd pounds of lube for the doors. Sister Catherine just shook her head.
Father McPatrickson came by, demanding to test the lube for "sin and the devil." I gave him a few gallons and he waltzed right back out the door, heading for Sister Catherine's room. I could hear them testing the bed for almost six hours. I am glad they ended up finding the squeak, because it was driving us all insane.
So purchasing this lube was a huge mistake. The biggest I ever made in my life. I was going to have a moment to myself, but the moment it soaked into my skin was the moment I began to see... them. Shadow people? Flickers of light? The naked ghosts of so many old people. They were all drawn to the lube, their repressed, angry spirits crying out for sexual satisfaction. I tried to rub it off, but its like the lube had a mind of its own. I could see them, and the more I tried to escape, the more obvious it was that they were not going away.
For the last three weeks I have been witness to the orgies of the undead. They talk to me, but mostly they give me tips on my performance, and tell me I need to hit the gym.
I am terrified and unsure what to do. I would use the power to my advantage, but I don't think people would appreciate knowing Uncle Albert has a thing for women in galoshes and yellow rain hats.
So, I can only hope that they will leave me alone soon. I have given the lube to Mrs. Briggens down the street, who is expecting triplets and wants to be able to slide those little suckers out.
Either way, don't buy the lube--it is filled with evil.
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Sat Mar 09 10:29:21
ttt
im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Sun May 12 23:19:17
ttt
Canadian
Member
Mon May 13 00:29:34
Fuck necromancy
Hood
Member
Mon May 13 00:49:17
you'd need a lot of lube for that...
Camaban
The Overseer
Mon May 13 05:51:36
Like... 55 gallons of it?
im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Thu May 16 09:29:23
Down to only 2 left.
roland
Member
Thu May 16 09:46:16
let's be honest,

who bought it?
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Sat Aug 17 20:48:45
Only one drum left!!!!!!!!
Fred Felcher
Member
Sat Aug 17 21:05:03
SON OF A BITCH!!!
cthulhu
Tentacle Rapist
Sun Aug 18 00:29:26
on the subject of who actually buys this, porn sets probably
Aeros
Member
Sun Aug 18 14:42:38
Brad and I will be Grand Marshals at this year's San Diego Pride Parade, and we were looking for just the right touch to add a bit of pizazz to our appearance. So when we stumbled across the PASSION NATURAL WATER BASED LUBRICANT - 55 GALLON drum, we felt we'd struck gold: "Just enough volume to soak an entire parade of spectators, and yet fits easily in our float." Double win.

Now, how to spray the lube on the excited on-lookers? Why, by water pump gun, of course. To test out our delivery mechanism, we purchased a drum for our back yard and set up a slip and slide. I had Brad charge toward me down the slide, and I fired at will. It helped to imagine he was a Klingon Bird of Prey: Target that explosion and FIRE.

What I didn't expect was that Brad's forward momentum would cause him to crash into me, upending the entire drum along with us. Utter chaos. Our unfortunate cats, who had come out to judge our activities as cats will, were caught in the deluge. Looking like drowned rats, they howled and sped around the yard in hysterical circles, then tried for ten minutes to climb a tree.

Once again, the neighbors thought we'd set something on fire, so the LAFD arrived shortly afterwards. Try explaining any of this to a stranger, especially a hunky one in uniform. "Hose me down?" I offered. He kindly did, then retrieved our cats out of the tree with only minor scratches to the face. (They still aren't speaking to us, by the way.)

Bottom line, we decided against soaking the Pride Parade revelers lest it create an "incident" that could upstage us entirely. But we do have a great new weekend fun activity.
Rugian
Member
Mon Aug 19 08:48:48
It's the thread that refuses to die. lmao


Not that it deserves to, mind you. Some of this shit is hilarious.
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Sat Oct 12 11:05:04
Good god I'm gonna lose the lube race
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Tue Nov 12 15:51:30
ok now there is 10 left.
Valishin
Member
Tue Nov 12 19:11:47
If the ghost busters soak the statue of liberty with this stuff would she end up doing a porno?
chuck
Member
Tue Nov 12 20:25:52
Trifecta
Forwyn
Member
Tue Nov 12 20:26:37
gotta keep it going
kargen
Member
Tue Nov 12 20:32:18
Bastards! Now I have a damn song in my head that will not go away.

55 gallons of lube on the wall, 55 gallons of lube...

Sometimes I don't like which way my mind wanders.
Hood
Member
Tue Nov 12 20:32:58
take one down, wank around, 54 gallons of lube on the wall.
Cloud Strife
Member
Tue Nov 12 20:43:07
A gallon per wank is not a good exchange rate.
Ork
Member
Tue Nov 12 20:48:02
If you deal in Canada you can trade in liters, much better rate.
chuck
Member
Tue Nov 12 20:55:55
ttt
Cloud Strife
Member
Tue Nov 12 21:16:13
fo sho
Poizon
Member
Sat Nov 16 22:56:40
Hey Aeros you are a legend in the breakroom Julio says me you can has 3 loads a go wow 30 bucks is good!!
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Mon Jan 13 12:17:59
Ork won the Fantasy football league. Sam will be sending you some lube really soon.
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Mon Jan 13 12:33:31
Great conversation started, August 23, 2013
By
bigbub -
I have a lot of parties at my house, and there is no better conversation starter than a 55 gallon drum of lube next to your american girl doll collection.
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Mon Jun 30 22:15:13
ttt
Hot Rod
Revved Up
Mon Jun 30 22:32:39

You still trying to get someone to use that lube on you?

Shame on you.

Rugian
Member
Tue Jul 01 13:34:41
Is this shit STILL available for purchase?
jergul
large member
Tue Jul 01 14:45:46
Its on sale for 909,79!
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Tue Jul 01 18:07:07
+$527 shipping.

Pretty steep
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Sat Sep 20 02:42:29
Now It's $909.73

Who knew lube prices would fall this quickly.
Ork
Member
Sat Sep 20 08:38:07
More proof that there is no inflation and Obama has fixed the economy.
Hot Rod
Revved Up
Sat Sep 20 09:41:22

Try doing some grocery shopping.

Fred Felcher
Member
Sat Sep 20 19:05:27
"Now It's $909.73

Who knew lube prices would fall this quickly. "

The price was guaranteed to slip quite a bit.
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Sun Apr 19 09:12:34
back up to $1203
Ork
Member
Sun Apr 19 10:09:51
Thanks Obama.
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Wed May 13 12:16:57
$1310 but free shipping

Who knew lube prices were this volitale
Aeros
Member
Wed May 13 12:56:42
Wall Street banks short selling lube futures. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Rugian
Member
Wed May 13 13:04:13
At this rate, I can just wait for the next recession and pick up this stuff on the cheap. Come on BofA, dole out those subprime mortgages!
Ork
Member
Fri Jan 15 19:25:20
http://mas...litia-dildo-lube/#QI2uPoATsaqa

A Chicago-based designer just sent 55 gallons of lubricant to the Oregon militia, after they complained about receiving a large dildo and a bag of penis-shaped candies earlier in the week.


bahahaha
Aeros
Member
Fri Jan 15 19:29:25
I love this thread.
Rugian
Member
Mon Aug 22 14:21:58
Now it's fallen to $832.28. Looks like the post-recession growth is officially nearing an end.
Forwyn
Member
Mon Aug 22 15:25:08
Thanks, Obama
Aeros
Member
Mon Aug 22 23:39:05
Volatility in the price of Lube would make an interesting dissertation subject for a Masters of Economics.
smart dude
Member
Tue Aug 23 00:58:09
Sure. It would be just as useful as any other econ degree, anyway.
smart dude
Member
Mon Aug 29 18:41:51
Be careful guys, it could be a trap

http://edi...er-acid-sydney-trnd/index.html
CrownRoyal
Member
Mon Aug 29 19:12:13
"CNN)A 62-year-old man has been arrested after he allegedly filled a lubricant dispenser with hydrochloric acid at a gay club in Australia."


Oh ffs this is fuckin cruel
Canadian
Member
Mon Aug 29 19:33:12
Dunk his junk in HCl. Hell, give him an enema of some too. Seems like fitting punishment.
Aeros
Member
Thu Nov 10 23:51:07
Lube prices have spiked in response to the Trump election. Up to $999 a barrel. Not sure if this is due to a major spike in gay consolation sex or a plan for fucking everything to death.
zavyx
Member
Fri Nov 11 00:16:52
I'll bet if I just dive right inside that drum, then I'll come out so slippery, I'll be able to slide right up inside someones bunghole, and craw around - it would be a bit like cave diving with uncle stinky.
jergul
large member
Fri Nov 11 00:53:12
Lube futures!
obaminated
Member
Fri Nov 11 01:38:08
When did zavyx go full crazy?
zavyx
Member
Fri Nov 11 02:37:26
I took the brown acid>

DONT TAKE THE BROWN ACID!!!
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Tue Dec 05 00:04:52
YOUR NOT MY SUPERVISOR!!!
Im better then you
2012 UP Football Champ
Tue Dec 05 00:17:02
WTF?!?! $1458 outragerous
yankeessuck123
Member
Tue Dec 05 03:52:39
Sooo how many gallons of lube can I get with one bitcoin?
Hot Rod
Revved Up
Tue Dec 05 04:36:40

Why don't you just go to the drugstore and get a tube of the stuff?



yankeessuck123
Member
Tue Dec 05 04:43:59
Because the drugstore doesn't take bitcoin.
Hot Rod
Revved Up
Tue Dec 05 04:47:07

Don't you have any real money?

yankeessuck123
Member
Tue Dec 05 04:49:28
All money is worth what one can receive in exchange for it.
Hot Rod
Revved Up
Tue Dec 05 05:00:19

Then you have solved your own dilemma.

"Because the drugstore doesn't take bitcoin."

yankeessuck123
Member
Tue Dec 05 05:01:50
Worth $0 at the drugstore, but worth $11,000 elsewhere. Who is wrong?
Hot Rod
Revved Up
Tue Dec 05 05:04:48

So, sell it for $11,000 and trot off to the drugstore.

Problem solved.

yankeessuck123
Member
Tue Dec 05 05:08:30
Now there's a plan.
Hot Rod
Revved Up
Tue Dec 05 05:26:59

:)

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