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Utopia Talk / General Talk / LOL Addiction 7: Supervised Visit Phase
Cherub Cow
Member
Sat Aug 20 18:29:24
plz2post lols.. the social worker says it will be okay
Cherub Cow
Member
Sat Aug 20 18:30:30
"How Does A Hive Mind Keep A Synchronized Swimming Team So Coordinated?"
[2:40 Onion Video]
http://www...mming-team-so-coordinated-4313
"A telepathic link allows a synchronized swimming team's hive mind to maintain uniform thoughts, feelings, and actions in all swimmers."
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sat Aug 20 20:04:04
i watched some of the synch swimming... i can see why it's women's only... makes no sense to me :p


that "Missing Girl Probably Raped" from [More from the Onion] is pretty dark :p
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun Aug 21 02:59:28
http://www...sing-girl-probably-raped-14164
"With a daughter so pretty, one can't help but assume that she's being raped"
"Parents have 'faith' daughter will return"
"Perhaps she was merely wrapped in plastic, tied up with duct tape, and thrown into a nearby lake. Would that give you comfort?"
!! XD !!
Definitely dark, but that also makes it funnier :D
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed Aug 24 02:00:12
"Zoo Staff Find Harambe’s Tomb Empty"
http://wat...taff-find-harambes-tomb-empty/
"STAFF at the Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Gardens have issued a statement in which they confirm that the tomb holding the remains of the slain gorilla Harambe has been found empty, with huge speculation as to whether or not he has risen from the dead."
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed Aug 24 03:23:39
"Fairly predictable ending for this ingenuity."
http://imgur.com/gallery/fmKD2ga
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun Sep 11 01:54:15
Sounds like Clint Eastwood messed up!
"The Onion Reviews 'Sully'"
http://www.theonion.com/video/onion-reviews-sully-53908
http://www.theonion.com/video/onion-reviews-sully-53908
"The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Sully' in this week's Film Standard."
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun Sep 11 01:54:52
not sure how I posted that link twice.. could be either the malaria symptoms or my hypochondria ;)
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sun Sep 11 11:12:41
poor geese


Snake on a Car
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=935_1473606810
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun Sep 11 22:27:56
lol :D
..based on the Australian location, would have to guess that a bite from that snake would kill everyone in a 10 mile radius ;)
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed Sep 21 14:08:20
"Dismembered Nate Silver Found In Dumpster Behind Gallup Headquarters"
[Onion News in Brief]
http://www...und-in-dumpster-behind-g-53987
"WASHINGTON—Calling the grisly crime scene “deeply disturbing,” Metropolitan Police confirmed Wednesday that the dismembered body of political statistician Nate Silver had been found in a dumpster behind the Gallup organization’s headquarters. “At approximately 4:26 a.m., a member of the building’s cleaning staff discovered the torso and severed limbs of a man in his mid-to-late 30s mixed in with hundreds of pages of blood- and viscera-soaked polling data,” said MPD spokesman Sgt. Brendan Davies, who added that Silver’s decapitated head—identified by his signature black rectangular glasses—had also been found in a bowling bag discarded near the research institution. “The extensive bruising along the mutilated body parts also indicates that he had been beaten prior to his death, possibly by more than one person. If anyone has any leads as to who might have targeted Silver, the founder of FiveThirtyEight and a leading expert on political and economic trends, please contact us immediately.” Police officials told reporters they were still looking into the outline of a bell curve on his chest formed by what appeared to be cigarette burns."

Looks like we won't know the future this year ;D
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri Sep 30 16:05:29
Another Ken M (professional troll) compilation :D
http://imgur.com/gallery/Fc8gr
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri Sep 30 16:28:42
Celery Man + James Bond
http://imgur.com/gallery/nlZV5f1
McKobb
Member
Fri Sep 30 16:33:55
Hotter years make previous years colder, lol
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri Sep 30 17:03:21
It's almost like Janeway's explanation of temporal paradox ("effect can precede cause") ;D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpT3ZjsCghY
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri Sep 30 17:04:29
Person uses two tasers on face at same time because... YouTube views? :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0uSJ9kYFaM
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Fri Sep 30 20:08:22
hopefully HR is not Ken M :p
Cherub Cow
Member
Sat Oct 01 01:55:02
D: ... there have been lots of times where I've looked to see if it was actually Hot Stick speaking, so sometimes I wonder ;p
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sun Oct 02 16:33:59
one of the better SNL skits last night
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrMTLV2cR2Q

i feel like concept has been done before but still good :p
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun Oct 02 17:05:40
lol
Def good :D
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun Oct 09 22:00:40
someone does deadpan murder in the Hitman game :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZCGMN7i3SA
Cherub Cow
Member
Mon Oct 10 03:56:46
"New German Shepard for my kids"
http://imgur.com/gallery/Uy0un
repel
Member
Tue Oct 11 09:37:51
romantic duet anyone? Should have been on the national television over there at least that's what I heard

http://www...ba03e92/romantisch_duetje.html
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Tue Oct 11 11:27:23
that link didn't work for me... i think it's complaining about my ad blocker in some crazy language

but i suspect its about this by the 'romantic duet' mention
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fq_ZosSy_9I
repel
Member
Tue Oct 11 14:09:39
that's the one TW. and yeah that site has something against add blockers, for me normally it works to reload the site.

And that weird language you saying is what we call Dutch :P
*shakes fist*
Cherub Cow
Member
Mon Oct 17 00:23:35
That song is so poppin' :D

"Converting your old mixtape to MP3"
http://imgur.com/gallery/p1pbwhm
Cherub Cow
Member
Mon Oct 17 14:29:26
[death? maiming?] by ice bucket challenge:
http://imgur.com/gallery/aqFEs2C
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Fri Oct 21 10:32:15
could start a charity challenge for ^him now
---

Jigsaw (from Saw movies) as an office coworker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZnronVFyDE
Cherub Cow
Member
Sat Oct 22 23:24:01
Good ending :D
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sun Oct 23 00:01:51
a good SNL funniest pets skit just on... noting it now since i'll forget by tomorrow :p
(prob will be on Youtube by then)
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun Oct 23 02:12:05
Watched it on a temporary link (non-official; probably would be removed) -- that's the correct way to narrate pet behavior! :D
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sun Oct 23 10:35:38
non-official may be the only way to see... SNL has 7 clips up from last night and not in it

here's best rogue version i found
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFwoZx3ml2U
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sun Nov 20 16:23:17
Thanksgiving Target ad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnzRFyOMD4U
Cherub Cow
Member
Tue Nov 22 19:34:48
lol
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun Nov 27 16:44:55
"U.S Immigration - Foil Arms and Hog"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rjab8fanzHc
Cherub Cow
Member
Mon Dec 05 01:22:22
"How to Smokebomb a Party"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c46_iL2QqOE
McKobb
Member
Mon Dec 05 15:31:19
I know how to crop dust a party.
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed Dec 07 21:59:53
Lots of variations to this joke, but this was a good one :D

"God I love France"
http://imgur.com/gallery/qUoyJ
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Thu Dec 22 09:52:54
Xmas preparations
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoZ_7y3z5S8
Cherub Cow
Member
Tue Dec 27 23:41:04
Sweet jump from tree over water!
http://imgur.com/gallery/kLxuh
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri Dec 30 13:58:34
lol@this one :D
I'll just put the punchline:
"Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!"
[Onion Commentary; November 29, 2016]
http://www...-best-four-years-my-life-54775
"As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom ... And to any young parents reading this: You may be complaining now, but one day, you’ll realize how great this time is. My advice? Savor every minute of it. But if I had to pass on the three most important lessons I’ve learned, I’d say make every decision with love, don’t sweat the small stuff, and you really get what you pay for with pool safety gates."
Hood
Member
Sun Jan 01 01:15:32
The Empire has found us. Evacuate the base.

http://apo...1611/ISStransit_Smith_3000.jpg
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Mon Jan 09 17:38:02
Wiig & Carell
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_QQgz74qpo
Cherub Cow
Member
Mon Jan 09 18:20:08
lol :D
Cherub Cow
Member
Mon Jan 09 18:22:26
"kids react..."
http://sta...s+are+weird_3ef8af_5543176.jpg
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri Jan 13 16:41:16
I wonder if Melanie has been measuring up these last few years...
"Firefighter Died To Save Unimpressive Teen"
[Onion Video; January 27, 2011; 1:55]
http://www...o-save-unimpressive-teen-18967
Cherub Cow
Member
Tue Jan 17 17:36:42
Someone on Encyclopedia Dramatica satired that stupid Sarah Anderson book :D
http://ima...rahAndersenHolocaustReview.png
Cherub Cow
Member
Tue Jan 17 17:37:09
*Andersen
Cherub Cow
Member
Tue Feb 14 19:47:07
[for date purposes: lol thread 2017!]

"Alcoholic’s Plan For Turning Life Around Doesn’t Involve Getting Sober"
[Onion News in Brief]
http://www...fe-around-doesnt-involve-55282
"SAVANNAH, GA—Realizing something needed to change before it was too late, local alcoholic Darren Weller laid out a plan for turning his life around Monday that had absolutely nothing to do with getting sober. “Today’s the day that I finally clean up my act and start taking the steps I need to better myself,” said the visibly intoxicated Weller to his fellow bar patrons, outlining a series of dramatic steps aimed at improving his physical and mental health that will in no way interfere with his crippling addiction to alcohol. “No more excuses. It’s time I went back to school and finished my degree. No more pizza and beer every night. I’ll probably live five more years just by having salad and beer. Who knows, I might even start getting a run in every night before I hit the bars. Yeah, I really feel like this is a new beginning.” At press time, Weller had passed out on his bar stool, already making good on his plan to get to sleep at a more reasonable hour."
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed Mar 01 00:23:41
"Chicken VS 20,000 Medieval Soldiers"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJbwPcdsLLc
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed Mar 01 23:18:47
"20k Chickens VS Golden Knight"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRq-jpwpR5U
Cherub Cow
Member
Tue Mar 14 00:06:25
"5 Things to Know About Blizzard Preparedness"
[Onion Video]
http://www...out-blizzard-preparedness-5341
Q: "Is there anything pet owners should be aware of?"
A: "If any of your pets go outside for any reason, leave them there. They belong to the snows now."
repel
Member
Wed Mar 15 10:25:21
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kath8ZIE9Kk

Movie quotes!
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu Mar 16 18:37:40
A few quick lols in this video by Video Game Dunkey playing the new Zelda :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EvbqxBUG_c
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu Mar 16 18:50:49
"I pet my dog..."
http://imgur.com/gallery/9XnCT
Cherub Cow
Member
Tue Mar 28 01:39:22
"Showering with fireworks"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdGGtp8Bb_M
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri Apr 14 02:10:55
Eric Andre Show - Aubrey Peeples
http://youtube.com/watch?v=umHEax4N29o
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri Apr 14 04:21:34
Eric Andre Show - Steve Schirripa
http://youtube.com/watch?v=-cOX1vhbVW8
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed Apr 19 00:18:35
BBC Earth: Base-jumping barnacle gosling
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxGuNJ-nEYg
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Wed Apr 19 10:24:55
i'm calling child protective services on those geese
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu Apr 20 19:46:29
Yeah they don't seem too protective :D

"Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk"
[Onion News in Brief]
http://www...ks-framed-skirt-photos-d-55818
"NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel. “God, I have so many great memories from this place,” said the longtime host of The O’Reilly Factor as he stared down at the 8-by-10 glossy print showing a woman’s exposed underwear taken from underneath a news desk, before wrapping it in tissue paper and placing it gently in a cardboard box alongside a smaller three-panel frame containing photos of various women’s bare thighs. “I worked with some truly amazing people who showed me some incredible things over the years. I’m really going to miss everything I got to do at this place—it was always such a good time. It’s hard to let go.” At press time, O’Reilly was seen wiping away a tear from the corner of his eye and popping a small down-blouse photo of a woman’s cleavage out of its frame and placing it carefully in his wallet."
Cherub Cow
Member
Tue Apr 25 19:38:36
..feel a little bad posting a commercial, but the last few seconds made me laugh :p
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YY4RfeX2Z4
Cherub Cow
Member
Tue Apr 25 19:39:11
(it's a KFC commercial with Rob Lowe)
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu Apr 27 19:58:51
"Chop and Steele Prank Wisconsin Morning Show"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mi3Kl8O3_UU
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sun May 21 11:51:33
fake drug ads don't seem to get old (imo)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IZrYeUX3MI
last night's was a pretty good SNL
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun May 21 15:31:27
LOL!!
That was great :D
Cherub Cow
Member
Sat May 27 03:26:00
Couldn't find a source for this, but it made me laugh a little :p
http://imgur.com/gallery/VG88h
swordtail
Anarchist Prime
Sat May 27 09:54:50
manholeporn


http://www.reddit.com/r/manholeporn/
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun May 28 05:15:31
That was a risky click ;p
swordtail
Anarchist Prime
Mon May 29 08:54:49
just a bit...
;}

Fucking in Austria

http://www...-village-of-fcking-in-austria/
McKobb
Member
Mon May 29 16:32:58
The mayor must own a sign company.
Cherub Cow
Member
Mon Jun 19 16:38:51
"Can A Mother Actually Lift A Car If Her Child Is Trapped Under It?"
[Onion Insights Video]
http://www...child-is-trapped-under-it-5918
"Of course she can. Women are amazing, Onion Science Editor Raef Gillis explains."
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu Jun 22 19:47:38
"Take This - Cyanide & Happiness Shorts"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5U8Zfj1MZo
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu Jun 29 21:34:34
In case you missed this in the "Der Spiegel on Alex Jones" UP thread:
"Amazon Echo Commercial featuring Alexa Jones"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9Q72qYWxKQ
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Thu Jun 29 22:04:56
wow :p i'd rather have that than the real one, as long as not too repetitive
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri Jun 30 04:13:00
"as long as not too repetitive"
Some day the programming will let Amazon Echo be that clever :D
*fingers crossed*

This part was interesting, btw: "Swam 2 miles this morning pretty hard" .. kind of doubt that Alex Jones can swim 2 miles. Maybe 2 *laps* ;p
Cherub Cow
Member
Mon Jul 10 00:10:06
"The Onion Reviews ‘Spider-Man: Homecoming’"
http://www...ws-spider-man-homecoming-56365
swordtail
Anarchist Prime
Tue Jul 11 15:43:23
'Cultural incompetence': Legal defense for woman-beating migrant boggles the mind — Lionel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1OZGzo9YAQ&feature=share
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Tue Jul 11 16:12:54
that guy's head reminds me of those old TVs where peoples' foreheads would get stretched
swordtail
Anarchist Prime
Tue Jul 11 18:30:34
UN Adopts Historic Nuclear Weapons Ban over US-Led Opposition

http://the...val=19512#.WWTtsjMOvJg.twitter
swordtail
Anarchist Prime
Tue Jul 11 18:46:48
Texas teen electrocuted after apparent cellphone mishap in bathtub

http://www...cell-phone-falls-into-bathtub/
swordtail
Anarchist Prime
Tue Jul 11 20:14:46
Text of bill: 3 clicks
Analysis of bill: 5000 clicks
Trump/trolls vs. CNN: 1 million clicks
Kardashian-related genitals: 965 trillion clicks

http://twitter.com/smod4real/status/882644221647175680
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed Jul 12 19:47:36
"Mexican Kid Crawls under guy's stall in a public restroom"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaoSEVhh4bM
I think he was died after
swordtail
Anarchist Prime
Thu Jul 13 09:44:23
Suppressor Meltdown! 700 round burst through an M249 SAW!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BczhT1ByrXA
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun Jul 16 00:09:25
..definitely check the link for this one if you don't catch their joke ;p

"Habitat For Humanity Investigated For Working Conditions After 92-Year-Old Laborer Collapses On Site"
[Onion News in Brief]
http://www...ted-working-conditions-a-56406
"WASHINGTON—Responding to an unsettling incident that has raised concerns about worker exploitation within the organization, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration announced Friday it was launching an investigation into working conditions within Habitat for Humanity after a 92-year-old laborer reportedly collapsed on a job site yesterday. “According to the shocking and disturbing reports we have received, it appears that an elderly man in his 90s—who was observed to be exceedingly thin and frail—was being used as a manual laborer at a residential construction site, where he eventually succumbed to exhaustion and dehydration,” said agency spokesperson Jillian Rogers, adding that authorities were “sickened” to discover records showing that the nonagenarian laborer had been performing blue-collar work for the organization for over 30 years, and had been transported from one construction project to another—sometimes internationally—without any compensation. “This man appears to have had minor farming and public service experience, but no serious construction training. Nevertheless, this organization continued to rely on him to perform a variety of carpentry, masonry, and roofing duties despite his advanced age and limited physical abilities. We’re glad this came to our attention before it was too late for this unfortunate senior citizen.” At press time, witnesses reported seeing the gaunt old man being forced onto a plane to go dig wells and lay pipe at a rural African project site just hours after being released from the hospital."
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri Jul 21 03:38:20
"Home Depot Releases New Bluetooth Cordless Hose"
[Onion News in Photos]
http://www...-bluetooth-cordless-hose-56446
swordtail
Anarchist Prime
Fri Jul 21 09:59:53
As a Russian hack survivor.... please read


Donna


http://twitter.com/donnabrazile/status/885874269997203456
swordtail
Anarchist Prime
Mon Jul 24 14:07:16
http://www...ever-swallow/?src=socialflowTW
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu Jul 27 21:44:16
"The Onion Reviews ‘An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth To Power’"
[Onion Video; 3:14]
http://www...nient-sequel-truth-power-56495
"The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews ‘An Inconvenient Sequel’ in this week’s Film Standard."

The ending was a nice touch :D
swordtail
Anarchist Prime
Fri Jul 28 09:37:05
http://pbs.twimg.com/media/DFvKA_bXkAEwkj3.jpg:large
swordtail
Anarchist Prime
Fri Jul 28 14:29:05
LOTUS (Lionel of the United States) for POTUS in 2020

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMwDnwCxeRs
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri Jul 28 16:29:50
It's too difficult to look at his hairline and glasses. If he got better glasses and hair plugs, then he'd *maybe* have a chance against Camacho!
swordtail
Anarchist Prime
Wed Aug 09 18:49:17
FBI investigated a group of Dungeons and Dragons players as part of the Unabomber case

http://www...witter.com&utm_campaign=buffer
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed Aug 09 18:56:50
lol... almost sounds like an FBI agent fell in love with role-playing and found an excuse to write an essay on it ;D
swordtail
Anarchist Prime
Wed Aug 09 19:48:41
http://twitter.com/smod4real/status/895041097545547777
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed Aug 16 17:27:05
"Eric Andre On Climate Change"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEcnWyN4KYM
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed Aug 16 17:45:11
That was from this full episode, btw:
http://www...w/wink-martindale-sarah-burns/
swordtail
Anarchist Prime
Thu Aug 17 10:46:35
[160] Monsanto Truth REVEALED, Google Censorship, Trump’s Soft Coup & More

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WT1Jk4CvEYw
Daemon
Member
Fri Aug 18 06:59:50
Who was first: the chicken or the toast?
http://www.hornoxe.com/bloedes-huehnchen/
swordtail
Anarchist Prime
Fri Aug 18 07:44:25
BOYFRIEND REACTS TO MY OLD BOY PHOTOS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgdr-8TmImo
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