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Utopia Talk / General Talk / #UGTwit69 - #terroristsRloosers
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Thu May 25 09:33:29
another hood jumper... pretty impressive car save
http://twitter.com/CNN/status/867743518059528196
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Thu May 25 09:50:45
accidental nuclear plant warning:
http://twitter.com/ReadyNJ/status/867190314649432064

good comment:
"There's probably a family somewhere in South Jersey locked in a Doomsday bunker for 50 years because of this."
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Thu May 25 12:35:38
A Minnesota woman is accused of macing three Wendy’s employees because they served her stale french fries.

Police in Coon Rapids said 25-year-old Eiram Chanel Amir Dixson got a little salty with the fast food workers last Thursday because the fries weren’t as fresh as she specifically asked, according to KSTP TV.

Dixson allegedly started arguing with employees and allegedly reached through the drive-thru window, prompting one of the workers to throw a soda at her, according to a probable cause statement.

The employees claim Dixson grabbed some mace out of her car and sprayed it through the window, directly hitting the Wendy’s manager directly in the face.

Officers were called to the scene and arrested Dixson for felony use of tear gas.
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu May 25 20:23:45
"another hood jumper... pretty impressive car save"

Definitely impressive! Doesn't always work out that way:
(old video of someone falling out at drive-through)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBNpaNZu_GA

..
"There's probably a family somewhere in South Jersey locked in a Doomsday bunker for 50 years because of this."

People really need to start installing some kind of "while underground" notification system ;)
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu May 25 20:25:21
Someone at a gas station decides to make fun of and then punch a person with cerebral palsy:
http://www...y_punch_video_barry_baker.html
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu May 25 20:25:59
Like came up in the last thread! :D
Bird trying to evade a bird rapist:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-5PRq6GOuw
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu May 25 20:33:19
Fun gif of Trump pushing aside the Prime Minister of Montenegro:
http://imgur.com/gallery/QKejFur
The tears and anger in the comments makes it even more fun :D .. some samples:
[InkdCopper]: "Watching the way he treats people in a phycial sense makes my blood boil. I'm so ashamed of us."
[Diewithasmile]: "God, as an American I'm sorry"

And then the short-sighted calls for assassination:
[GrymFimbulvetr]: "Recently heard some put it like this “He wants to be Reagan behaves worse than nixon lets see if he ends like kennedy“"
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu May 25 20:55:34
Dad makes teen feel loved by picking him up from school:
http://www...s.12/videos/10155322983076667/
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Thu May 25 21:55:31
as long as he wasn't a total loser that should help his station in high school

lets try to remember punchy mcdickface Barry Baker & see what sentence he gets... i wish justice was faster :p
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu May 25 23:10:23
Can't imagine that it will go well for him. Apparently he has a record, so this would just be icing for some judge ;)
I'll bullet list because there seem to be a lot :D
http://pat...st-chester-also-stole-military
• "a lengthy criminal history that includes theft, forgery, and more"
• "criminal conspiracy and theft by unlawful taking from 2006." • "He was charged later in 2006 with more than 80 counts of intentional desecration of public monument, but eventually pleaded down to receiving stolen property and criminal conspiracy ... linked to stealing more than 200 military flag holders from the graves of military veterans at two separate churches"
• "in 2008, Baker pleaded guilty to loitering and prowling at night and theft from a motor vehicle (again). These offenses netted him a series of short prison stays."
• "in January of 2009, Baker was arrested and again pleaded guilty to theft from a motor vehicle. He had originally been charged with three counts of criminal conspiracy, as well. He was sentenced to three years of probation"

I'm leaning towards a 2 year sentence, just because the punch itself wasn't too hard ;D and Pennsylvania's "simple assault" law seems to give him some breathing room ( http://statelaws.findlaw.com/pennsylvania-law/pennsylvania-assault-laws.html )
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Thu May 25 23:34:34
sounds plausible

should be enough time for him to realize perhaps it wasn't worth it :p
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Thu May 25 23:47:07
some update:

A warrant has been issued and the Chester County Fugitive Unit has been dispatched after Barry Baker, the man accused of assaulting a victim with cerebral palsy, failed to show up for his Thursday hearing.

The Chester County District Attorney's Office said that Baker also failed to appear for a hearing in a domestic relations matter earlier on Thursday, and that a second warrant has been issued for his arrest.

http://pat...est-chester-fails-show-hearing
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri May 26 00:29:32
Going down in flames? D:

Just like Elmo! :D
http://youtu.be/Km1p2-SB-WE?t=1m33s
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri May 26 03:40:06
This got weird :D
Seriously - Cyanide & Happiness Shorts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFO9EiXFG4c
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri May 26 05:15:59
This was semi-terrible but also pretty funny :D
"A Republican candidate in Montana's special election, Greg Gianforte, allegedly ‘body-slams’ Guardian reporter Ben Jacobs, prompting a police investigation into the incident."
[no video of the event, just audio with subtitles]
http://www...7-b29f-f40ffced2ddb_video.html
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri May 26 05:18:36
The Onion made fun of it already:
"‘The Onion’ Invites Republican Candidate Greg Gianforte To Physically Assault Our Entire Editorial Staff"
[Onion Full Article]
http://www...andidate-greg-gianforte--56117
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Fri May 26 09:25:56
the bodyslammer won the election too... they said about 70% of people voted early before incident so hard to say if it would've gone different... but there's also no shortage of people claiming the story was fake news, or that the reporter deserved it
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Fri May 26 09:45:06
under that Onion story was a slideshow
"74 Normal Photos And 2 Kinda Weird Ones"
brilliant clickbait :p no way i wasn't clicking thru that

...it was #34 & #74
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Fri May 26 10:04:16
A Texas middle school principal plans to launch an investigation after a 7th-grade student was named “most likely to become a terrorist” in a mock award ceremony

“I was shocked,” Lizeth Villanueva, a 13-year-old student at Anthony Aguirre Junior High in Houston, told Click2Houston. “[The teacher] said, ‘Most likely to become a terrorist,’ and she said my name, and she gave me this.”

Lizeth received the award in an advanced learning program that’s supposed to help kids prepare for college. The teacher, who was not named, told the students the award was supposed to be funny, but Lizeth’s not laughing.

“It was not a joke,” Lizeth was quoted as saying. “I do not feel comfortable with this.”

Lizeth’s mother told local CBS station KHOU that the principal apologized in person as well, but said she wants the teacher to face discipline.

“Get fired, at least, or something,” Ena Hernandez said.
--------

'at least'? i think that should be 'at most' :p
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri May 26 17:01:10
Did Lizeth take it personally because it was spot-on? ;p
.. or maybe because Lizeth worries it got them put on a list (but due to Streisand Effect?)?

Yeah not sure the reporter "deserved" a body slam. If he was truly aggressively shoving his phone in Gianforte's face to record audio, then probably there was still room for *non*-WWF moves, like pushing the phone away with an open palm or something :p
Cherub Cow
Member
Sat May 27 02:57:01
Homeowner in Paraguay runs over some thieves caught in his home:
[this video has the stationary camera angles]:
http://www...9501595740043/?hc_ref=NEWSFEED
Cherub Cow
Member
Sat May 27 02:57:04
[This article's video has a dash-cam video too]:
http://www...uns-burglars-catching-act.html
Cherub Cow
Member
Sat May 27 03:34:33
"60fps big kitty"
http://imgur.com/gallery/pJiAg
Cherub Cow
Member
Sat May 27 04:16:49
More Onion cleverness :D
"Dave & Buster’s Opens New Fine Dining, Gaming Outpost David & Benedict’s"
[Onion Full Article]
http://www...e-dining-gaming-outpost--56119
"According to a company spokesperson, elevated hors d’oeuvres such as tater tots served with a duck and veal demi-glace dippin’ sauce are just part of what makes David & Benedict’s happy hour such a distinctive experience."
Cherub Cow
Member
Sat May 27 04:20:00
"BREAKING: President Trump's Executive Order Shutting Down 'The Onion'"
It includes a funny re-direct:
http://i.imgur.com/IzYfXgM.png
Cherub Cow
Member
Sat May 27 04:20:09
..before going here:
http://ass...n/0-EO_Onion_shutdown_SCAN.pdf
Cherub Cow
Member
Sat May 27 04:21:27
The re-direct goes here :D
http://www.trump.com/merchandise/trump-fragrance/
McKobb
Member
Sat May 27 04:22:03
I know a perfect place for a Dave and Busters or a knock off.
Cherub Cow
Member
Sat May 27 04:29:27
As close as possible? :D ;D
McKobb
Member
Sat May 27 05:19:42
An active and growing outdoor retail/hotel space near a university right off the interstate.

Just need to rob a bank :P
McKobb
Member
Sat May 27 05:24:00
http://youtu.be/jM2ZdT8ysQ4
Cherub Cow
Member
Sat May 27 05:51:43
lulz :D .. haven't seen the Onion movie in a while

That seems like a good spot! There wasn't a Dave&Busters too close to my university, but the area made up for it by putting randoms games in a bar/club. Alcohol and video games go well together. It might be the best part of adulting ;)
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sat May 27 21:52:45
that Paraguay thing was good enough for a Bourne movie :p

i got a bit concerned when it said rental car, but then turned out it got them caught so all's well
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun May 28 02:47:50
Looked like a lot of fun ;D

a kitty stretching its toe-zies
http://imgur.com/gallery/BwY8X
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun May 28 02:53:15
moar HD kitty
http://imgur.com/gallery/AVZJd
(from the same person that sourced this link in the last thread: http://imgur.com/gallery/tAyn4PA )
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sun May 28 11:43:13
Police in southwestern Mississippi have a suspect in custody after eight people, including a Lincoln County sheriff’s deputy, were killed in three separate homes late Saturday night, the Associated Press reports.

The suspect, identified by the local Clarion-Ledger as 35-year-old Cory Godbolt, was filmed sitting along a road in handcuffs by a reporter Sunday morning.

Godbolt suggested to the reporter that the late-night violence followed a dispute between him and his wife over custody of his children.

“I was having a conversation with her step daddy and her mama, and her, my wife, about me taking my children home and somebody called the officers, people that didn’t even live at the house. But that’s what people do. They intervene,” he said before saying he was “sorry.”

Asked what’s next for him, he appeared to repeat the word “death.”

“My intentions was to have God to kill me. I ran out of bullets,” he’s heard telling the local reporter.

tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sun May 28 12:51:32
Harambe was assassinated one year ago today
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun May 28 23:04:11
#HarambeLivesOn #RememberHarambeMemorialDay

I can't believe this has been on the Internet for 2 years, and I haven't seen it until now :D
Many many kitties mewing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EYZnSXEla0
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sun May 28 23:59:43
i think we had a similar raccoon video awhile back (person acting annoyed about a gaze of raccoons on the porch, but then feeding them)

...and yeah, 'gaze' is the right term apparently :p
Cherub Cow
Member
Mon May 29 02:00:07
So it's not a "wad" of raccoons? ;D
http://imgur.com/gallery/zJXBfdE

Do you mean the video where the guy weirldy ends up in a raccoon suit with the raccoons all around him? XD
Cherub Cow
Member
Mon May 29 02:03:28
Quick update on that Bronx attack:
"Community advocates say [Bronx street vendor Souleymane] Porgo is not talking yet, but his condition is dramatically improving."
http://lon...rom-coma-2-suspects-arraigned/
Murder charges may be going off the table!
Police apparently still looking for two of the attackers, no known by street names "Tarzan" and "Rebel" :| ... kind of makes me wonder if witnesses were making stuff up in a 4chan-esque troll ;)
Cherub Cow
Member
Mon May 29 03:23:41
*"[now] known by"

I got in another pointless debate on Imgur. The person is just bleeding logical fallacies. I'm getting to that "Poe's Law" situation where I don't know if this person is stupid or just a troll, but I'm leaning towards stupid because .. as bad as things get in UP .. the regular Internetz can be so. much. worse. D:

Put a few hours of work into this, so I'm guessing that Imgur will downvote it to death ;)
(Harambe meme)
http://imgur.com/gallery/aOmX9gy
Cherub Cow
Member
Mon May 29 04:20:50
Pretty pictures of Jupiter (NASA):
http://www...afts-close-approach-to-jupiter
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Mon May 29 09:28:00
"guy weirldy ends up in a raccoon suit..."
was that a thing?

i did find this girl with food strapped to her...
http://scs...-suit-riot/coons-atop-girl.jpg

but no, i recall some video of someone opening a door & tossing food to a bunch of somethings... pretty sure it was raccoons (& title or desc suggested person was irritated by them being there)
------

maybe you should start an imgur thats for educated people only :p
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Mon May 29 12:07:24
Tiger Woods mugshot
http://pbs.twimg.com/media/DBAStfvXgAEZO5V.jpg
arrested for DUI...as evidenced by the mugshot
Cherub Cow
Member
Tue May 30 02:36:15
lulz :D
..I guess it's good that he wants to stay independent, but you'd think he'd have *someone* that could pick him up :p

..
"was that a thing?"

I'm trying to re-find it, but I'm realizing that *a lot* of raccoon feeding videos exist :D
"James Blackwood" seems to produce a lot of feeding videos:
http://www.youtube.com/user/vjamb/videos

And you posted this in #UGTwitStudio54:
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=7f9_1471006878
Cherub Cow
Member
Tue May 30 02:36:18
Found it!! :D
Was going back in the Twit threads, ready to give up, but it was in #XXXVI:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?&v=Db5aOqWbHtc
Cherub Cow
Member
Tue May 30 02:40:52
"maybe you should start an imgur thats for educated people only :p"

If only! ;D
..but if it got popular it would just turn into regular Imgur again ;D

..
Berlin Hamster Cop:
http://che...s-a-member-of-the-police-force
The average lifespan of a Berlin hamster cop is only 3 years! #RoughStreets #ShortLifeSpan
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Tue May 30 09:21:12
yeah, that thread #54 video is it i think
i bet i wouldn't remember a thing from thread #36 :p


d'aww at hamster, especially #3 (in box in front of vest)
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Tue May 30 09:47:52
elk doesn't appreciate bear trying to eat her calf
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBVAqthC6hY
...although she's could've put some more urgency into it imo
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Tue May 30 12:25:22
Ukraine is beating up Russia (on twitter)

http://twitter.com/Ukraine/status/869532150760165377

zinging them on history then with a Simpsons gif
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Tue May 30 12:28:29
some expanation of ^
http://www...ia-twitter-fight-simpsons-gif/
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Tue May 30 14:00:06
chinese elevator is apparently in a hurry
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=010_1496156111
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed May 31 04:46:30
Looks like she survived? China just doesn't make death traps like they used to? :(
;p

..
"...although she's could've put some more urgency into it imo"

That was funny :D .. kind of like the elk was *really* trying to be protective, but that instinct to "run when anything happens ever" was difficult to override.

..
"the official Twitter account for the country of Ukraine"

Oh wow D: .. didn't realize it was the actual Twitter. Life has gotten very strange ;p

..
Fresh video of Lil'Bub without the normal commercialized stuff :p
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjO11zsMMfE
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed May 31 04:57:47
What happens if you spend too much time LARPing:
(video re-creating techniques of a 14th century fencing instruction manual)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GoQlvc_H3s
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed May 31 05:14:40
More reasons to avoid Brazil:
"A bus passing through a dangerous area in Rio, Brazil."
http://imgur.com/gallery/ZI2n7
Explanation in comments: "They do this near bus-stops, bandit will sometimes wait to board a full bus and rob all occupants. No ppl = No rob"
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed May 31 05:21:17
Apparently Trump had a Twitter seizure?
"Despite the constant negative press covfefe"
http://imgur.com/gallery/H5A2A
But it was deleted and replaced with this 10 minutes ago:
"Who can figure out the true meaning of "covfefe" ??? Enjoy!"
Cherub Cow
Member
Wed May 31 05:33:30
maximum drunk:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bkp0yhWAcoc
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Wed May 31 13:11:25
i blame the mirror, a weird location for one
--
& at least Brazilians are learning to adapt to their majority robber population
--

social media kills again:

A 25-year-old hiker fell to his death while posing for a selfie at a cliff in Washington’s Palouse Falls State Park on Tuesday, local media reports.

Cade Prophet was taking the selfie with his girlfriend near the top of the waterfall when he slipped and fell into the Palouse River, according to the Tri-City Herald.

Local CBS station KREM said he fell about 40 feet then into the river, where he was swept away. His body was later found in a difficult-to-reach location.
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Wed May 31 14:42:02
Spicer felt a need to defend the midnight abandoned typo tweet rather than admitting to tackling Trump & taking away his phone:

---

Q: "Do you think people should be concerned that the president posted somewhat of an incoherent tweet last night and then it stayed up for hours?"

A: "Uh, no"

Q: "Why did it stay up so long? Is no one watching this?"

A: "I think the President and a small group of people know exactly what he meant"

http://twitter.com/cnni/status/869995518289731584
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Wed May 31 15:22:23
possibly Russian water destroys Ukraine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TUu8BjC5Kk
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Wed May 31 18:58:05
this woman needed an Omega 13 device http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=16d_1496154305
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Wed May 31 23:18:41
Ben Sasse (R senator, Nebraska) apparently has a sense of humor... some of his piano recital livetweeting:

"
It's #PianoRecital night. Livetweeting likely, despite the constant negative press covfefe


Rare performance of Covfefe's Etude in D major tonight. So beautiful. Only I and small group of ppl know exactly what I mean. #PianoRecital


Kid at #PianoRecital refuses to bow after his piece, yelling: "Covfefe me ousside, howbow dah!" His parents covering their faces with shame


Weird -- some Russian lady just held up a makeshift scorecard and gave a mediocre kid a 10. It's mayhem here now. #PianoRecital


uh oh...the Mrs. appears to be aware of the livetweeting...


#COVFEFE!!!! (help...)


G'night, All. And no covfefe'ing tonight. #PianoRecital Timeout
"
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu Jun 01 03:53:16
"social media kills again"

It may also have killed my conscience, because my immediate thought was, "I hope he was filming a video so that we can see the footage" ;p

..
A: "I think the President and a small group of people know exactly what he meant"

lol, yeah okay — so they know he was sun-downing? ;D
The meme-o-sphere has definitely taken off with it. Ben Sasse seems to be on that track :D

..
"possibly Russian water destroys Ukraine"

so kewl :o
..news seems to have moved on already, but I wonder how quickly the city was able to shut off the water. More pix and aftermath video here:
http://globalnews.ca/news/3490956/kyiv-waterpipe-explosion/

..
"this woman needed an Omega 13 device"

Can't tell if that scooter came from behind or from that side road where the other car was heading... Maybe one of those situations where people (like the scooter rider) don't usually see other vehicles at an intersection and so take it too quickly? :/
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu Jun 01 03:53:29
"Dog Understands 1022 Words - Super Smart Animals - BBC Earth"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip_uVTWfXyI
Cherub Cow
Member
Thu Jun 01 04:12:46
"Groceries Only Take One Trip"
[From 2013]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-HkwSO_xpU
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Thu Jun 01 09:26:53
the scooter scene seems like a 'K' shaped 4-way intersection, w/ no indication of stop signs & that little round mirror in the tree for visibility suggesting it's a death trap :p
--
i'd say the dog learned 1000 names not words... seems a different feat
--
i take all my groceries in one trip! helps when you mostly drink tap water (beverages are weighty)
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Thu Jun 01 11:36:13
so a brazilian in a motorcycle helmet walks into a shop...
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=2eb_1496309988
(can skip to 0:30)
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Thu Jun 01 11:38:24
each person hanging around was probably waiting for the others to clear out so they could rob it themself
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Thu Jun 01 23:23:57
Authorities have charged a 16-year-old girl as an adult with first-degree murder after she allegedly used a knife and a machete to kill an Uber driver in a Chicago suburb.

Prosecutors allege that Eliza Wasni randomly attacked 34-year-old Grant Nelson in Lincolnwood and that it was unprovoked, The Chicago Tribune reports.

Cook County State’s Attorney Michelle Cunningham said at a Wednesday news conference that Wasni stole the weapons from a Walmart store around 3 a.m. Tuesday before summoning an Uber ride a few blocks away. She allegedly started stabbing and hacking Nelson after he picked her up.
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Thu Jun 01 23:31:51
"Ko fefe" (in Samoan): pregnant but in fear of it
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Thu Jun 01 23:37:55
the Mongols & the Chinese are at it again
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=2df_1496343887
i think that's the first time i've seen a car ram a horse... hopefully only the rider sustained injuries(death)
Cherub Cow
Member
Fri Jun 02 05:44:37
Top comment was good for a smile: "dont bring a horse to a car fight." ;p

"suggesting it's a death trap :p"
Truth!
... maybe the scooter-driver wanted to die \:D/

"each person hanging around was probably waiting for the others to clear out so they could rob it themself"
A *lot* of people pulled out guns there XD .. pretty wild. Would not visit :D

"She allegedly started stabbing and hacking Nelson after he picked her up."
D: ... bath salts? D:

"We’re Running Out Of Time If We Still Want To Kill And Eat Jane Goodall"
[Onion Full Article]
http://www...e-still-want-kill-and-ea-56084
"She’ll just be strolling toward our colony with her dumb little notebook in hand like it’s just another ordinary day of studying us and then—wham!—it’s the least ordinary day of her fucking life. I mean, imagine what a letdown it would be if she just dropped dead of natural causes. Sure, we’d still get to eat her, but the thrill would be gone ... Worst of all, we’d never get to see that devastated look on her face as she suddenly realized that we not only never accepted her as one of our own, but also that, from the very first day, we hated her and wanted her dead."
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Fri Jun 02 09:29:32
that bordered on disturbing as you keep reading :p
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Fri Jun 02 11:47:27
squirrel burying cheeto
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WdcKPziIEw
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Fri Jun 02 23:43:49
this reminded me of Jesse Pinkman luring out that meth head by digging a hole
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bp97zfi6NiA
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Fri Jun 02 23:51:53
perhaps Jane's dad ("Q") should've tried this:


A Sheepshead Bay father was so angry when he found his heroin addict son’s stash that he shot it up himself and almost died of an overdose — just to send a message to his kid.

“I told him if you’re not going to stop, I will do the same as you do,” Sergey Gnatovskiy, 45, told The Post. “I [tried] to send him to rehab. He promised me he was going to go, and I found it again.”

But the risky life lesson seems to have worked: Son Maykl, 23, claims he’s been scared straight back to rehab after finding his dad passed out on the floor of their living room Wednesday afternoon.

The elder Gnatovskiy says he felt back to normal the next day and doesn’t recall much of the ordeal — he remembers going to turn off the TV and then waking up with “medical people” around him.
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Fri Jun 02 23:56:20
NEEDED: Generic Father Figure for Backyard BBQ

We will be throwing a backyard BBQ on June 17th to celebrate beer and each other. We range in age from 21-26, and while most of us know how to operate a grill, none of us are prepared to fill the role of "BBQ Dad" That being said, we are in need of a generic father figure from 4PM to about 8PM (though you may stay the full duration of the party). Duties include:

- Grilling hamburgers and hotdogs (whilst drinking beer)
- Bringing your own grill (though this is subject to change. We will provide all of the meat)
- Refer to all attendees as "Big Guy', "Chief", "Sport", "Champ" etc. (whilst drinking beer)
- Talk about dad things, like lawnmowers, building your own deck, Jimmy Buffet, etc. Funny anecdotes are highly encouraged. All whilst drinking beer.

Desired experience:

- A minimum of 18 years experience as a father
- A minimum of 10 years grilling experience
- An appreciation of a nice, cold beer on a hot summer day

We can't pay you in money, BUT we can give you all the food and cold beer your heart desires. Grill for a few hours, then sit back and crack open a few cold ones with the boys.

http://spokane.craigslist.org/evg/6144589384.html
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Fri Jun 02 23:57:31
uh... which Hank would be perfect for... to continue the Breaking Bad theme :p
McKobb
Member
Sat Jun 03 02:58:01
http://1.b...0/icookmethbreakingbadmeme.jpg
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sat Jun 03 09:23:56
i think that link is broken
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sat Jun 03 12:04:10
some Hasselhoff-burgerish video of Tiger Woods
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2c2MUgBuIU
he claims it was from using heaps of heroin... or from prescription drugs... can't remember
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sat Jun 03 12:21:30
Master Ye Wei, founder of Tai Chi Chan, managed to pull four cars for eight meters (26.2 feet), with nothing more than his testicles, in Zibo on Friday, setting a new world record in the process.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKlid9c72LY
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sat Jun 03 12:35:22
kitten enjoying faucet
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlclttwISNg
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sun Jun 04 12:57:53
brave heroine (can skip 1st minute, to ~1:10)
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=e90_1496563306
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun Jun 04 18:47:22
..and then goes about her day — kewls :D

Wonder if that squirrel will be disappointed when it can't find the cheeto later :D

"perhaps Jane's dad ("Q") should've tried this"
lol. Whatever it takes, I guess ;D .. also seems like a good way to convince the police that you weren't just trying heroin for fun :D

Aww :( .. I hope those craigslist peeps found their father surrogate before their listing was flagged for removal

"he claims it was from using heaps of heroin... or from prescription drugs... can't remember"
:D
They say he tested clean for alcohol, but he claimed he was on Vicodin, Turox, and Vioxx.. “I want the public to know that alcohol was not involved. What happened was an unexpected reaction to prescribed medications. I didn’t realize the mix of medications had affected me so strongly” ( http://nyp...speaks-alcohol-wasnt-involved/ ). That article also mentions that Woods took Vicodin before he crashed his car in 2009 (in addition to drinking), but he did just have surgery, so hopefully it's not prescription abuse. I felt bad watching the arrest videos (that one and also the ABCs one), but he's rich, so not too bad ;p

"Master Ye Wei"
D: ... why do they even?

"kitten enjoying faucet"
If that helps the kitten accept future baths, then that's a good strategy :D .. it would also be cool to have a cat willing to go on bike rides, but that probably requires really early training.. hmm.. >:p

I've finally ended that Imgur argument, btw (told them that I wasn't going to continue). It was getting to be like an argument with Seb where I was using 90% of my text re-explaining things that this person misinterpreted or misrepresented. I'm trying to stop responding to people like that because it eats up a lot of time and the arguments don't go anywhere :/
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun Jun 04 18:47:41
This was preceded by a number of workman's compensation claims:
(construction site hammer throw)
http://imgur.com/gallery/5RShTRt
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun Jun 04 19:02:21
HD Owl "distressed" swimming and then drying on a beach:
(article from 2014)
http://www...s-owl-is-not-going-for-a-swim/
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sun Jun 04 19:04:29
i'm pretty sure i only argue to vent rather than for results... same w/ tweeting
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Sun Jun 04 19:08:44
i say the owl was just enjoying himself, i don't care what the negative nelly expert says
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun Jun 04 19:38:33
Yeah!! Can't an aminal go out for a dip?? :p

"i'm pretty sure i only argue to vent rather than for results... same w/ tweeting"
This idea makes me want to create a new screen name and just swear at people in UP ;D

"Man who mowed lawn with tornado behind him says he 'was keeping an eye on it.'"
[June 3, 2017; good picture here]
http://www...eeping-an-eye-on-it-1.20394290
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun Jun 04 23:17:44
community scratching:
http://imgur.com/gallery/QGnBE9A
Cherub Cow
Member
Sun Jun 04 23:19:30
Korean kitty inspired by Tiger Woods:
http://www.instagram.com/p/BU0BlT4DBWB/
Cherub Cow
Member
Mon Jun 05 06:58:58
Another random social media misinformation campaign ;)
"Girl kicks her teacher in balls (with English subtitles)"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dw1nUlHZHpY
(In reality, this isn't a real event; it's an advertisement for a Russian kids' TV show)
Cherub Cow
Member
Mon Jun 05 06:59:00
"And sure enough, the video turns out to be a fiendishly well-distributed promotion for a new Russian cable and satellite TV channel aimed at kids. It's called simply "Ю," the letter "U" in Cyrillic. The slogan ("Ю - ЭТО ТЫ") is a play on English and Russian: "U - That's You." (You is the word that the terrifying teacher is trying -- literally and figuratively -- to drill into the hapless little girl's head in the video.)"
http://www...media-television/24704870.html
Cherub Cow
Member
Mon Jun 05 07:05:27
And it's making the rounds despite being from 2012 :|

I think someone might have added on a better ending to this Family Circus -type comic :D
http://imgur.com/gallery/Bw4TV
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Mon Jun 05 09:22:49
"it's an advertisement for a Russian kids' TV show"

why don't we have shows for adults on this :/
where is 'ow, my balls'
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Mon Jun 05 09:47:31
A man uses water to Extinguish an Electric fire
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=edc_1496631906
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Mon Jun 05 10:09:29
golfing blackbear
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHylSL_bv7o
looks like he managed to snag a wrap or twinkies or something
tumbleweed
the wanderer
Mon Jun 05 10:16:34
An out-of-season Christmas elf stopped traffic and triggered an evacuation as the bomb squad responded in Maryland on Wednesday.

Someone called in a suspicious package sitting atop a trash can at a Royal Farms convenience store and gas station in Bel Air.

That package turned out to be an Elf on the Shelf box, the state fire marshal said.

However, the robot determined that the elf himself was not present.

“Bomb Squad robot was deployed to determine package contents,” the fire marshal’s office said in a statement. “The box contained empty packaging materials.”

the package:
http://img.../593116c02300003b0034866f.jpeg

what kind of sick person disposes of their xmas decoration packaging in June
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