Utopia Talk / General Talk / a Joke

Cthulhu Tentacle Rapist	Fri Jan 08 06:36:29 A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." I step toward the agent and whip out a pink harmonica from my coat pocket. I play a sequence of notes to help my family stay in tune for the upcoming performance, whereupon my wife grabs my 12 year old son and 6 year old daughter by the hair and throws them to their knees. My son and daughter proceed to pull off their shirts and pants but my son can't get the t-shirt over his bulbous facial tumor so I spit on the tumor to lube it up a little. My wife notices the trouble my son is having so she begins to rub my daughters hairless cunt to gather more lube for the shirt removal process. As I watch my wife rub my child's cunt, I feel the burning desire to cum all over her big blue eyes, so I rip off my pants and force my sons thumb up my hairy asshole. His thumbnail hasn't been clipped in a while so the forced entry into my dry asshole results in a hemorrhoid that sits on the edge of the pink eye that is my shit-hole to rip off and go into my rectum with some hair and my son's scaly thumb. My wife begins to enjoy the smell of the 6 year old cunt she is rubbing, so she leans forward hums "Take me out to the ball game" into our daughters asshole. Now that and I see my son is enjoying finger fucking my asshole I grab the harmonica and begin to play along to the tune of my wife's humming. On cue, into the agent's office rush an old man with an open eye socket, a leashed dog and a leashed, fat, 9 year old boy with Down Syndrome and a beautiful color tattoo of Jews burning in the camps of Auschwitz across his belly. Immediately, the dog knows to start licking and pissing on my son's purple and red facial tumor. My wife sees this and is so turned on that she begins to squirt juice out of her cunt, so the old man rushes over and catches the juice in his gaping eye socket. The force of the climax causes her cunt to expand and close rapidly, forcing a Velveeta cheese-like substance of her yeast infection onto the outside of her dripping fuckhole. At this point I need sexual release so I grab the Down Syndrome kid by the collar and drag him toward me as he grunts like a gagged faggot. I remember that the retarded fat kid does not have AIDS yet, so I decide to save my cum for him, but I decide to begin by fucking my daughter's mouth while my son puts his small boy-penis in my asshole. My daughter is gagging furiously so my wife leans toward the dog and begins sucking its veined penis while smashing the old mans balls with a stapler. I keep grunting as a grab the back of my daughters head and force it on my dick at a high rate of speed, and I notice she has a loose baby tooth so I knock it out with a paper weight from the agent's desk. My son keeps fucking my asshole, and he is grunting but it sounds like a wheezing lung cancer patient because the tumor covers most of his mouth. My wife's face is buried deep into the dogs cock, and the old man begins to lube up his hand with my wife's juice that is swishing around inside his eye socket. I am about to cum so I remove my penis, shout, "Heil Hitler" six times and shoot my cum into the air. As it fly's nearly 9 feet upwards, I grab a letter opener and stab the Down Syndrome kid in his back. As fat oozes out of the gaping wound, the cum falls directly into it, assuring that the boy gets the AIDS straight into his blood from my infected cum. Just then my son whips his dick around and screams, "Rape nigger children, fuck the kykes" and climaxes onto his little sisters big blue eyes. The dog barks and begins to cum in my wife's mouth, so I quickly grab a machete from my coat lying on the floor and chop off its head. The headless body continues to cum onto my wife's face, smearing her makeup, and my son grabs the head, which is quickly emptying itself of brain and blood, and rubs it on his facial tumor which makes a farting sound. The old man shoves his lubed up hand into my wife's asshole, where he grabs the lining of her rectum and pulls. The lining comes out, my son sings a rendition of "Twinkle Twinkle little stars" called "Twinkle Twinkle Rape Darfur", and my daughter climaxes as she roles in the dog's blood. I take the blood, rectal lining, and shit from my asshole that was left on my sons dick, and dump it into the old mans eye socket. Then I grab the letter opener, dab it in the socket, stab my sons facial tumor, and tattoo "Cow and Wonka" onto the retarded boys back using the medley of substances. The whole family joins in on my son's song and finish by shouting, "Tada". For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"
Ubes JAC Wildebeest	Fri Jan 08 06:47:30 Classic.
Agri Patron	Fri Jan 08 07:45:58 TLDR
Nekran Member	Fri Jan 08 07:46:09 Better to just post the link to Cartman's superior version.
Firestorm Phoenix Member	Fri Jan 08 08:12:18 I saw the documentary.
Cthulhu Tentacle Rapist	Fri Jan 08 19:32:32 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5SmmMY8NyU there, Cartman's version, which I admit is superior
FSB SDANWMU	Fri Jan 08 19:53:10 tldr
Formerly Fred Member	Fri Jan 08 19:56:56 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tw10xa_xtNg much better
Atma01 Member	Fri Jan 08 20:11:29 This thread is win.
Cthulhu Tentacle Rapist	Fri Jan 08 20:34:41 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HW4mPZmKPM&feature=related Bob Saget's not too bad either
Palem Person.	Fri Jan 08 23:48:53 Gilbert Godfrey ftw.
Cthulhu Tentacle Rapist	Sun Jan 10 19:09:39 He's definetly got the best version I ever heard.
Ubes JAC Wildebeest	Fri Jan 15 07:12:31 hm
Cthulhuisgay Member	Fri Jan 15 07:12:58 cthulhuisgay
Cthulhuisgay Member	Fri Jan 15 07:19:37 d
Cthulhuisgay Member	Fri Jan 15 07:20:15 cthulhu's mom is a cock sucking piece of shit.
Cthulhuisgay Member	Fri Jan 15 07:21:45 dd
Cthulhuisgay Member	Fri Jan 15 07:21:58 dd
Cthulhuisgay Member	Fri Jan 15 07:26:30 thread of the year
Palem Person.	Fri Jan 15 08:21:49 this thread is fail
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